Wild About Books

Wild About Books is about reading good books and sharing how they impact your life.  I’ll guide you in our monthly book selection, but there will also be references to many other books in the weekly posts.

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A Mother’s Day Book Recommendation

“Sing Unburied Sing” by Jesmyn Ward is an excellent book.  There are engaging characters that you will love. Meth addict parents who you will hate.  Poverty, racism, survivors.  And ghosts.  Spirits who are stuck in the restless spirit world due to a senseless unresolved death.

The boy in the book sees them.

Converses with them.sing

The grandparents are raising the children in this book.  The mother shows up when she needs a roof over her head or a meal.  The older child calls his mother by her first name.  He knows she leaves them for days to get high.  He takes care of his toddler sister.  Their other grandparents do not acknowledge the children’s existence.   The other grandparents are white.  The father is in prison.  The black grandfather is the hero.  But many times his hands are tied.  His daughter takes his grandchildren.  He tries to talk her out of it.

“My grandfather hugged us even when we weren’t in the same room.”

“Your mother is missing the maternal gene.”

This book is a novel.  I just watched a segment on 60 Minutes about grandparents that raise their grandchildren because the parents are addicted to meth or opioids or heroine or alcohol.  The older children took care of the younger children until the grandparents stepped in.  What about the children that don’t have this life ring thrown out to them?  Where are they?  What are they eating? The segment takes place in the healthiest state in America,  Utah. What is it like in the least healthiest state?  We talk about the opioid epidemic but what about the children? Whose taking care of the children?

As long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom.  At first I wanted 9 kids so that I could have my own baseball team.  Then I wanted 5 kids.  Once the diapers were done, I decided that two kids was perfect  I had the energy for two kids.  I was a devoted, selfless, engaged mom.  I can not imagine having children and them not being the center of your world.  Feed, clothe, teach, read to, clean up after, listen to, throw the football/softball with, laugh, yell, cry.  Hard core mother instinct.   I hope my children feel me hugging them even when they are not in the room.

I highly recommend “Sing Unburied Sing” and motherhood.

Find more great book recommendations at Wild About Books.

 

 

Oregon and Homegoing

Adventure Based Learning took me on another trip to a new place.  A road trip to the Oregon Coast.  A magical place.  A place where you hike through the forest to get to the beach.  A place where you wear multiple layers of clothing, including a stocking hat and warm gloves before you walk to the beach to see the sunset.  A place where a clash of cultures lives harmoniously with a mutual  appreciation for the beauty of the great outdoors.homegoing

Ten high school students, most of whom had not left the state much less seen the ocean, two adults and the little red bus on the road again.  Camping in tents on the layover nights and in yurts on the beach in a state park.  In March.  Ergo, the adventure part. It was not warm, but it also was not raining a lot of the time. Just some of the time.

It’s not easy being a high school student.  We had one grown up mature student who could take care of herself, manage her time and money and be a leader.  The rest; not so much.  It is similar to herding cats or having three-year olds, cats or three-year olds who really care about how they look.

I was walking back from the bathroom to the campsite at the first campground near Hood River when I heard an unusual noise.  Not something I recognized.  Then I saw two of our girls heading to the bathroom.  Our state park campground had flushy toilets and hot (luke warm) showers.  The girls were walking with their roller bags.  I heard the sound of the little wheels rolling on the rough pavement.  A sound I’d never heard while camping.  A sight I’d never seen.  As if I were camping with a group of flight attendants.  This preening and primping was important to them even while camping.

There are many life lessons to be learned when traveling with a group of teenagers.  For me and for them.  We had a diverse group of students.  Many different backgrounds and stories.  Most stories they keep to themselves, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to be a freak.  Hiding their secrets while trying to fit in.  It’s exhausting.  They slept a lot.

Most interesting observation for me was to watch the dynamics of the group while in a commercial setting such as a mega gas station or town and a natural setting such as an undeveloped beach or hiking trail.

In the commercial setting the students created a hierarchy of the haves and have-nots and the pretending to be a have with not.  The struggle of money burning a hole in their pockets, all of the things on the shelves screaming to be bought, their friend buying a sweet sugary latte at the coffee stand and caving into the same desire.  The desire for the sweet, sugary caffeine or the desire for the stigma of carrying that double layer cardboard cup with plastic sippy cup lid back to the bus.  Wanting to look the look. I warned them half way through the trip to make sure they were budgeting their money.  We provided all of the meals except for the meals on the road.  They still needed money for the ride home.  After my budgeting speech, one of the girls told me she was leaving her money on the bus so she wouldn’t be tempted to spend it.  That’s how powerful commercialism is.

In the natural setting everyone was on the same level.  Sloshing through the wet forest trail.  Slipping in the mud.  Laughing.  Helping.  Playing on the undeveloped beach, trying to get into the cold, cold ocean.  Dancing. Running.  Napping.  Being themselves and not caring how they look.  A meditative break from the stress of being a teenager.  A chance to live in the moment with nothing but nature surrounding you.

Nature binds.  Commercialism divides.  Finding a balance is part of the adventure based learning that can’t be taught in a classroom. IMG_0609

The book selection is “Homegoing”  by Yaa Gyasi.  I finished this book a week ago and it continues to play through my head.  The story covers over 300 years of two African half sisters and their decendents.  One who stays in Africa and one who is captured and sent to the United States on a slave ship.  Each chapter is its own story.  There are so many characters that it is not easy to keep them all straight in your head, in fact, it proved to be impossible for me.  I had to read the book as if it were a collection of short stories.  Short stories whose characters were all related.  I had to believe in my memory to bring back who each character was when they were referenced in a later chapter at a later time.  As the stories and characters weave through generations you find yourself having more compassion for the character who becomes a heroine addict in Harlem.  You understand why the Stanford student is afraid of water.  It is multiple generations of history that have created this person.  It is the unthinkable treatment of man by man over the centuries that creates hatred and violence.  This books takes walking in another man’s shoes to the extreme.  Three hundred years of stories that create a new generation born with an unknown weight that haunts them.

Maybe you look at the homeless guy differently now.  Maybe you have compassion for the meth addict; what is he trying to forget?  What story is he hiding?

Maybe you get irritated with the teenage girl who walks slowly on the trail.  Maybe you feel like she’s lazy while she holds the whole group up.  You probably would have yelled at her to pick it up or light a fire under her ass.  But you know her story.  She was recovering.  Recovering from her secret story that she was hiding behind.  A secret too horrific to talk about with her peers.  A secret no woman, and certainly no seventeen year old girl should have to carry with her.  Bruises still healing.

But I would have yelled at her.  I would have had no compassion. Had I not known her story; I would have yelled.

Let’s stop yelling.  We don’t know the stories that make a person who they are.

Compassion without knowing the story.  That’s the challenge.

I highly recommend the book “Homegoing” and spending time in nature.

More great book recommendations and adventure stories can be found at Wild About Books.

 

Be an Artist and the New Book Selection

I hear the sound of tires rolling over gravel.  I look out the front door and see the distinctly yellow hood of a taxi.  It comes to a stop.  Doors open and shut.  Judith, pronounced “Who-deat” in Spanish, meets us at the front door.  She brings in her massage table and bags of sheets, oils, towels and other miscellaneous massage supplies.  We help her carry everything up the tile steps to the spare bedroom in casa naranja grande; our home in Barre de Navidad for two weeks . IMG_0424

Judith doesn’t speak any English.  But we all know what to do as we take turns on the massage table.  For ninety minutes Judith rubs and kneads muscles, coating our skin with coconut oil.  She works out the built up tightness we let fester in our bodies from daily life.  This small Mexican woman is an artist, molding our muscles to a happy place.  She never says a word and works on each person as if they were her only client in the world.  She is focused, engaged, present.  The unspoken talents of a true artist.

We should all strive to be an artist in what we do.  Focused. Engaged. Present. Be an artist and you’ll lose yourself in your task.  There will be no such thing as time.  Only you and your art.  If you find you are not an artist in what you are doing, do something different.  Find what makes you an artist. This is bigger than a salary, bigger than health insurance and much bigger than climbing the proverbial ladder.

But wait.

What about washing the dishes, chopping wood, doing taxes, cooking dinner or working a mundane job that you are lucky to have?  All those things you have to do.  Good question.  Being an artist in your daily task is a choice.  You could spend more time dreading the task than the task actually takes and then pump out a half assed job.  Or, you could choose to be an artist, even with the daily chores. Break down the task into baby steps then complete each baby step focused, engaged, present.  Be a wood chopping artist like my husband.  Make cooking dinner your creative outlet like my daughter.

Or; hire it done.  Go out for your meals like my father-in-law.

The book selection is “The Alice Network”  by Kate Quinn.  An excellent read.  This novel bounces through time in the life of a young female World War I spy and her life as an older, angry, whiskey drinking woman dealing with the ghosts in her closet.  A closet that is opened by a young woman looking for help to find her cousin after World War II.  This book is difficult to put down and will keep your interest for its entirety.  The characters take their jobs seriously as war spies.  They work in occupied territories, spying on German soldiers, writing down information on rice paper and rolling it up in their hair pins in order to deliver the information to the Allies.  They are artist.  Focused. Engaged. Present. And this is how they survive.

Check out Wild About Books for more great book recommendations.

The Power of Boundless Compassion

Saturday adventures with Lisa, Heidi, and Carol also known as getting the dogs out.

We pack the cross-country skis in the back of Heidi’s truck along with the Shepherd and the Basset Hound.  The three of us load into the cab with the Yellow Lab.  We leave the cold inversion of the Bitterroot Valley and climb Lost Trail Pass where the sun is shining and the temperature is warmer. We park in the parking lot of the Gibbons Pass road, a groomed multiple use road where you will find classic skiers, skate skiers, snowmobiles and dog sleds.  The sun is shining on the snow-covered mountains making the snow sparkle as if we were in a forest covered in diamonds.  It’s quiet and peaceful and a brisk eighteen degrees.

Then, Ollie, the German Sheperd decides it’s too quiet and peaceful and starts his uncharacteristic high pitched bark.  Kevin, the Basset Hound is like “oh cool, barking time” and starts his hound dog bay which doesn’t fit his long bodied short legged personality either.  Zoe, the well mannered yellow lab, disassociates herself with the entire dog species hanging close to her mom and keeping her distance from the two barking morons who are barking for no apparent reason.IMG_0233 (1).JPG

As we ski the two dogs enjoy their ability to bark at nothing.  Short legged Kevin quickly gets winded and decides to conserve his energy for the walk as triple latte Ollie keeps up the barking.

I start thinking, “SHUT UP Fuck Shit.” over and over.  I know that fuck shit is not an actual thing but sometimes my head just puts two words together that works for me and fuck shit seemed appropriate.  We ski, Ollie barks, I think fuck shit.

Then it occurs to me that I was on day nine of my thirty-one day well-wishing challenge and that this very morning I had just read a delightful article describing the benefits of sending well wishes, The What and Why of Loving Kindness Meditation.

I look at Ollie and think, “May you be happy. May you have peace.”  Over and over.  He stops barking.  OK, maybe he was going to stop barking anyway, but you can look at this in two ways.

One, I had removed the negative “fuck shit” thoughts out of my head and replaced them with a more compassionate “may you be happy”.  This already changed my mood.  Dogs are sensitive to that (people are too, they just don’t acknowledge it).  Two, the dog knew.  The dog knew, just like children know, that I had changed my mindset.  When I was calling the dog “fuck shit” in my head, he was that.  When I wished him happiness he became that as well.

I always tell a story about the lunch ladies in my kid’s school.  When the lunch ladies saw the junior high students coming down the hall, heading towards the lunchroom, the lunch ladies would say “here come the little shits”, as the lunch ladies didn’t like the junior high aged students. And you know what?  The junior high kids gave those lunch ladies exactly what they expected to get.  If the lunch ladies had had a little empathy for the painful transition from childhood to adulthood that all junior high students face, if they had made those students a special cookie or changed their mantra from “here come the little shits” to “may these students transition peacefully into adulthood as we have all been there before and understand what it’s like”,  I truly believe that the students would have behaved better in the lunchroom.  Being yelled at and treated without respect is a ticket to poorly behaved humans no matter how old they are.

Which brings us to our book selection.  “Tattoos on the Heart, The Power of Boundless Compassion” by Gregory Boyle. 

This is not your typical Wild About Books book.  The author, a Jesuit Priest, (I had to look that one up, but I still don’t get it, just like I don’t get “evangelical Christian”) in the poorest Catholic church in the county, located in L.A., surrounded by gangs.  This priest doesn’t just bring love and compassion to the gang members, he creates businesses and gives them jobs and job training.  A gateway from jail to living productive lives.  He doesn’t label them as hopelessly lost souls with no way out of their vicious poverty cycle.  He gives them hope and a door to a future without crime and drugs.  This book has way more God and Jesus in it than I like.  I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in Greg Boyle.  He doesn’t just talk the talk.  He’s a doer.  He believes in human beings.  He treats them all with respect and dignity.  He gives them all well wishes.  He’s a beautiful man.  If you don’t get a chance to read the book you should check out his TED talk on compassion and kinship.  It’s a condensed version of his book.

As we skied back towards the parking lot we were passed by two snowmobiles.  We could have been angry at sharing the road with loud, stinky snowmobiles, but we are not.  We smile and wave enthusiastically as they pass us.  Happy that there are other people out enjoying this beautiful, sunshiny, December day.

So, while you are out on your proverbial multiple use road of life, smile, and wave enthusiastically as you pass others, as it is this bonding kinship that is the positive trajectory we all need to happily survive together.

May you be happy.

Check out the Wild About Books website for more great book ideas and other outdoor adventures.

 

 

 

Sexual Misconduct and a New Book Selection

I randomly picked out a book at Chapter One, my local bookstore.  It was on the recommended shelf right across from the cash register.  I’d picked this book up before and found it odd that there was a sticky note on the back.  “Warning! Spoiler & Misleadings!  Please just read the first couple pages….”  What is that supposed to mean?  I put the book back and looked at other sections of the store.  When I came back in another day that book was still on the recommended shelf.  I picked it up again.  And again the sticky note was on the back.  I picked up another copy, same sticky note IMG_0204message.   The sticky note message was on all the copies on the shelf.  I lifted the note to read the description and immediately realized this was where the spoilers and misleadings were.  I stopped reading the back before finishing the first sentence and erased what I had read from my mind, as much as one can.

“The Clay Girl” by Heather Tucker is not for everyone.  It has that “Glass Castles” kind of theme.  A family trying to survive in unfathomable situations.

Two things make this book an incredible read.  The protagonist is surviving with the help of her positive adult role models and the author’s style of writing is an artistic masterpiece.  As you read each sentence you think that you have missed something and should start over.  But that is not the case.  Keep putting the sentences into your head.  When you get to the end of each short chapter your brain will weave all of the information together and then your brain will think “good God, what are these poor people living through”.  It’s truly magical.  This author does not tell a story, she shows a story.   I’m glad I found this book before the Thanksgiving break as I can not put it down.

The sexual misconduct in this story is rampant and although this is a novel, it is a novel that shows how society seems to not be able to correct or address this subject.  Sweep it under the rug.  Buck up.  Move on.  Slut. He’s a Republican, that’s all I care about.  It’s just locker room talk.  He’s the star quarterback just having a little fun.

I tried reading the book “Missoula”, which I do recommend, but could not finish.  It’s not a tour guide.  “Missoula” is a non-fiction book about star college football players raping female friends at parties and how the perpetrators downplay the conduct or worse get away with it.  This doesn’t just happen at the University of Montana.  This just happened to be the University that Jon Krakauer chose for his research.  A small college town in which most of the population are Griz fans whether they went to college or not.

She was asking for it.  She was drunk.  She wore that outfit for a reason.  Why would she ever subject herself to publicly telling this story of one bad night?

I couldn’t have written “The Clay Girl”.  I have no stories or experiences of this nature.  Which is, even more, a reason for me to read it.  To have empathy, to have the compassion to try and understand.  Probably it fuels my fire for the stories coming out in the news lately.  How many women have been subjected to sexual misconduct?  To get a promotion, feed their kids, get ahead, pass a class.

You’ll love the heroes in “The Clay Girl”, especially the men.  Hooray for the men who img_0199.jpglove and respect the women in their lives.    You are the majority and we love you back. Hooray for the men who roast us brussel sprouts, let us cry tears of frustration with them, wash the dishes, wait patiently as we browse in a store, fill up our freezers with game meat and share the experiences of the natural world in speechless appreciation.

I highly recommend (although not for everyone) the novel “The Clay Girl”. ( But don’t read the back cover.)

You can find more great book recommendations at Wild About Books Website.

Social Stratification and a New Book Selection

I board the plane at 5:00 am in Missoula, Montana on my way to New York City with my daughter to visit my son and his fiance.  Hannah and I are in zone three.  We are always in zone three.  The butt of the plane.  Always.

We walk through the first class people.  The zone threes stare at them waiting for the line to progress as zone threes take a while to put their one and only free bag in the overhead compartment.  The first class are settling into their big comfortable seats with pillows and blankets and drinks, laptops are out.  We slowly move past the first class as the corridor to the rest of the plane narrows.  IMG_0085

Recently there has been another class distinction in traveling by plane.  You can get a cheaper ticket if you don’t want to get a seat assignment until you arrive at the airport.  Which of course Hannah and I did.  This means that you will be separated and in the dreaded middle seat of the six seats per row (three seats per side).   The people seated next to us paid extra money to now be the pass people.  “Will you pass this plastic spoon over to my mom?”  “Could you pass my phone charger to my daughter?”

One leg of our flight we did sit together.  In the very last row.  The seats that don’t recline.  Next to the bathrooms.  And supposedly next to the engine as it is very loud back in the last row.  Now the bathroom line people stare at us in our upright ridged position with the seat in front of us reclined in our face.  The last to get a drink and peanuts.  The last to get off the plane.

New York City was wonderful.  Central Park was packed with families, strollers, dogs.  People enjoying the sunshine, sitting on benches reading or talking to one another.  Bikers and joggers and entertainers.  It was a plethora of humanity at it’s finest in the middle of Manhattan.  I would look people in the eye and smile and they would smile back.  People would ask us directions to places. It was all very warm and friendly, as I believe that most of the world is.

The subways were a transportation miracle.  Thousands of people descending into the underground of New York as thousands of people ascended from the underground.  Weaving their way through the coming and going of millions of people, getting on trains getting off trains, constant movement.  Above ground, the traffic was bumper to bumper with taxis and cars and big black Suburbans.  Horns honking.  Fire trucks and ambulances slowly squeezing through with their sirens on.  And just when you think there couldn’t be any more people left, you see the sidewalks are full of pedestrians.  Walking to school to work to the store to the subway.  So much movement.  And it all works.  And people smile and say they are sorry when they bump you.

All the store employees are nice.  We go to the vegan gluten-free bakery and buy dessert laughing and joking with the employee.  We go to the corner market for beer and toilet paper and tell the cashier we have a wild night planned as I nod to the items we are purchasing.  She laughs and says don’t get too carried away.

I tell my kids that I really expected there to be a lot more black people in New York City.  Zach says there are in Queens and the Bronx.  Zach and Taylor live in the upper east side not too far from Madonna.  They live in an old apartment building that’s possibly on the list to be torn down and rebuilt soon.  One bedroom, the smallest kitchen I’ve ever seen and was a steal at $2700 per month.  Living in Manhatten for them means not having to own a car and they can walk to work.  It’s a good trade-off as opposed to a cheaper apartment somewhere else with long expensive commutes.

Each neighborhood in Manhattan had its own social stratification.  Like walking down the aisle of an airplane you walked through Manhattan, a rich borough, and see the distinct classes.

The United States prides itself on hard work lifting you up to another socioeconomic rung.  Climbing the ladder.  But that distinction also means that if you are not climbing that ladder it’s your own choice.  But some people’s ladders start below ground level and other’s start more than halfway up their ladder the day they are born.  Or maybe climbing a class ladder is not your intention.  You like the adventure of finding a small affordable apartment in Manhattan that you will remember forever and laugh about or sitting the in middle seat of the plane.  Is it a choice?  If I suddenly had a lot of money would I buy a first-class plane ticket?

I think the thing that baffles me most about class distinction is that we associate ourselves with similar classes.  Do we segregate consciously?  If I suddenly had a lot of money would I have a new set of friends?  Do you have to have money and social hierarchy to be a politician?  My kids have never voted for a white male for president.  Would they have if they had been born with lots of money?  Who knows? IMG_0053 (1)

I just finished reading “The House of the Spirits” by Isabel Allende.  The book takes place over three generations in Chile.  Lots of social stratification, political corruption, suppression of women, male dominance and an uncanny parallel of our current and ever-widening gap of socioeconomic class distinctions.  But the underlying theme of the book is that the indomitable spirit of these suppressed groups trumps the corruption.  Stay strong.  Stay true to yourself.  Smile at strangers.  Ask for directions.  Most people in all classes are nice and helpful.  Don’t be afraid to mingle.

I highly recommend “The House of Spirits”.  This and other great book selections can be found on the Wild About Books website.

 

 

Secret Acts of Virtue and New Book Selection

In my last “Wake up your Life” Webinar (a free webinar lead by a certified wellness coach) our focus for the two weeks was ‘secret acts of virtue’.  The mission of this focus was to do good things for people anonymously.  Fun.  I love the active activities; something you can sink your teeth into.  I pictured myself wearing an invisible cape doing good deeds on the sly.wake-up

The project did not start out as expected.

“Hey,  thanks for the organic dark chocolate peanut butter cup Lisa.” or “Did you put that bag of fresh picked huckleberries on my desk, Lisa?”

Everyone knew it was me.

I needed my secret acts of virtue to be with strangers or leave doughnuts, which is against my foodie religion.

I couldn’t think of a planned secret virtue.  And even if I did, like leaving a five dollar bill under the windshield wiper of a car in a handicap spot, the act still seemed to be a sort of fuel for my own ego.  I was in a conundrum.

As I was driving to Hamilton on a Saturday with my list, a car ran into a truck right in front of me.  If I had been not paying attention or had been driving too close I would have been right there in the wreck as well.  I pulled over to the side of the road right behind the wreck, a car was smashed and a pickup truck had some minor damage.  My first thought was that I should call 911 as I was the first person to see this accident and I was right here next to it.  But my fingers wouldn’t work. When they did work, I couldn’t work my phone.  As I was fumbling to do my good deed, I watched as a man got out of the truck with his phone to his ear and was walking to the smashed car to check on the passengers.  I realized everything was taken care of as I carefully moved into the line of cars driving around the wreck and my focus returned to my day and my list.

I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and saw that my ‘pulling over behind the wreck’ must have been a good slam to the brakes as the cooler had moved from the back of the Subaru to the front, tipped over, come open and the frozen milk carton of water had ejected itself from the cooler.  I put everything back together as the ambulance drove by with its siren on.

I completed my list in an efficient and timely manner.  I headed for home passing by the wreck site.

My daughter Hannah had been in a wreck several months before this.  T-boned while driving through an intersection totaling her car.   Immediately after her wreck, a female pedestrian walked up to Hannah’s car at a busy cross road and asked what she could do to help.  Hannah asked for help to get out of the car.  Hannah managed to shimmy her way from the crushed driver’s side, disentangle herself from the deflated air bag as the woman helped her out the passenger side window.  The woman sat with Hannah on the curb as they waited for the police, ambulance and Hannah’s friend to show up. The woman literally supported Hannah as Hannah leaned against her at the crash site. When Hannah’s friend showed up the woman disappeared from the scene as quickly as she had appeared.  She left without Hannah asking her name or being able to thank her.

I was so grateful for this woman who helped Hannah.  Hannah’s “wreck mom” I called the woman.  I told Hannah I was going to pay it forward and next time I saw an accident I would be someone’s “wreck mom”.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t think about it.

I had my list.

It’s not a secret act of virtue I want to accomplish, it’s an unconscious act of virtue I want to strive for.   Automatic.  Innate.  Help.

But that is what the Wake up Your Life Webinar is all about.  Consciously doing an anonymous act of virtue will lead to automatic acts of virtue.  Focusing on the moment at hand, not on your list or self-imposed timed schedule.  In other words “wake up your life”.  Hannah told me that I am now one step closer to being a “wreck mom” for someone else, the time will be right and I will step in without thinking about it.

The book selection for this blog post is “Lilac Girls” by Martha Hall Kelly  Lilac Girls

“Lilac Girls” is a historical novel based on a true story and, yes, it’s a World War II novel.  It’s so good.  Great story, engaging characters.  Characters whose lives are woken up by horrific events.  Characters who unconsciously help strangers, their fellow man, in unthinkable situations.  A very well written book. I highly recommend “Lilac Girls”.

For more great book selections check out Wild About Books.  If you’re interested in the Wake up Your Life Webinar’s with Meg Poe check out her website, click here.