Snot Rockets and Other Montana Health and Beauty Tips

I’m standing with my Earl Grey tea in hand, waiting for my to go salad that I have just ordered. I’m  in a busy local coffee shop in Hamiton.  We don’t have Starbucks here, just local coffee shops; each with their own personalities.   I look around and notice the people.  The customers are ordering coffee or fancy lattes, cookies and muffins, a few sandwiches, although it’s a little early for lunch.  As I watch, the people casually come and go; in no real hurry and I’m reminded of why Montana is the place I belong.

I moved here almost 23 years ago and at the age of 28 I knew that this was where I belonged.  At the time, I wasn’t aware of why I felt that way. I soon came to realize that Montana was home to me because no one wears panty hose.

Yes!  I had found my happy place.

I can wear wool socks or bare legs or even leg warmers, but I will never again wear panty hose.  Who came up with that term.  Is it southern?  Because sometimes I get caught using southern words and get funny looks.  I still say “buggy” instead of grocery cart; that always gets a funny look.

I admit that I have had to buy knee high hose in Montana.  In our old house, the dryer wasn’t vented to the outside.  I needed to attach the knee high hose onto the exhaust pipe to catch the lint.

As I watch the people in the coffee shop I notice their outfits and hair.  Everyone is wearing blue jeans, no one has on a tie.  The footwear is practical.  The men have beards.  The women have pony tails.  But most importantly, no one is trying to out fashion the other.  There is no fashion to out fashion.  You are who you are.  There are no label wars or trendy outfits.  The customers in the coffee shop took the time to pull on a pair of pants and a shirt and their morning routine is over.  Out the door and off to work.  If the women are wearing make-up, I don’t notice, it’s subtle if at all.

Bad hair days don’t exist in Montana.  Hats.  Just put on a hat.  Baseball hat, stocking hat, bandana, whatever works.  Hair is done.  Most days I have helmet hair.  Bike helmet, snow board helmet, kayak helmet.   12594026_10153238665702102_8152330733270591355_o

Lips; lip balm

Fingernails; clip them.  Done.

Women: sports bra.  Even a trip to the store  in your car requires a sports bra.  Frost heaves and pot holes will make you think twice about that Victoria Secret lace  good for nothing fancy pants bra.

High Heels:  ahhahahahhahha.  ha.

Snot Rockets:  usually reserved for outdoor activities such as running or biking on cold days.  For some reason, cold outdoor cardio leads to massive amounts of mucus.  Gently turn your head to the side, place your finger on one side of the nose for maximum pressure out of the opposite side in order to fully discharge the mucus.  Repeat on the other side if needed.  Use caution in high winds or with groups.  Large nosed people beware that the mucus doesn’t always get enough velocity to detach and will become a long stringy mess clinging to your clothes and face and gloves as you wipe and wipe looking as if a large snail has been crawling over you leaving a silvery trail of snail slime.

“Good God; what happened to you”

“I was attacked by 50 snails at mile four.”





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s