It’s been several years since we did Wild About Books Frequently Asked Questions and I need to clean out the question box. So let’s get to it.

What ever happened to Tom the UPS man you wrote about?

Yes, good question. The UPS Man blog post was my most viewed post to date. Next time I’m in The Electric Beach and Hair Studio getting my hair cut I’ll have to ask what happened to Tom (the Electric Beach and Hair Studio seems to be a good resource for all things Darby). Last I heard he got married and took the Sula UPS route and lives in Sula and put on some weight. Now I have all these random UPS drivers that don’t know to leave our packages at the school where I work so they don’t have to drive all the way to the house. These last couple of winters they just stopped coming to the house. Said the road was not drivable. Which was an insult since Brett is the one that plows the road in the winter and we drive up and down it all winter with hardly any issues. They took our packages back to Missoula and said we could pick them up there on Tuesdays between 3:00 and 3:05 or some crazy ass shit like that. Missoula is 90 minutes from the house. If Tom was still my driver, he would have either left my package at my work, or my gym, or The Electric Beach and Hair Studio or the library or Heidi’s. He would not have sent it back to Missoula. I do miss my Tom days. I could be on my bike 20 miles up the West Fork Road, see a brown truck coming from the opposite direction, remove my hands from the handle bars, lift both my shirt and sports bra at the same time and give Tom a full flesh flash on the fly. The Quadruple F. 

Have you thought about turning your blog posts into a book? Yes. That is going to be my project when I retire on October 27, 2024. I’d love to have all of these posts in a book format even if it is just for my grandchildren. I’ve been writing this blog for nine years and it is always fun to go back and randomly re-read them. I’m also planning on taking another online WordPress class. I believe this website building software has advanced a lot since I started using it in 2014.

Do you belong to a book club? Yes and no. My book club disintegrated after a couple of years due to various personality misunderstandings and miscommunications and the fact that everyone dropped out. It has since been reinstated as a no book bookclub. A no host, no book bookclub. We meet once a month at the local brewery for drinks and tacos and discuss books we have read, shows we have watched, podcasts we have listened to. We trade books and share potato chips. There is no pressure to read a book you don’t want to read or worry about coming when you didn’t read the book or read the book and didn’t like the book. I’m really enjoying the format, but I’m also the inventor and facilitator and meeting minute taker and reminder-er.

Have you ever tried Matcha tea? Yes. It is my new go to at the coffee shop. I don’t drink coffee and usually get tea at a coffee shop. I get a matcha tea latte with oat milk and honey in the morning and about 4:00 in the afternoon I start noticing how much energy I have and how good I feel. It’s some kind of miracle tea. It sits well in the belly and makes me want to climb mountains or clean the house.

What is your blog posting schedule? I can’t figure out when the next one is scheduled to come out. Yes, that has been brought to my attention. I wanted to have a schedule and then I didn’t due to the stress that comes with deadlines. It is a conundrum. The blog could keep me on task by promising a specific scheduled time which would be good. But I love to write and don’t want it to be something I dread. Therefore there is no schedule, you get it when you get it. That’s what she said. 

When will you publish your novel? I’d like to read it. Thanks for asking. I don’t know. I just attend a writing conference in Kalispell, Montana and my good friend Scyntya just finished reading the book. Between those two things happening I’m ready to dive back into it. At the conference there were two agents and one of them specializes in literary fiction genre. The other agent gave a great talk on how to produce a query letter and pitch the book. I feel much more confident on the process. Also, my soul sister self published her novella and has made $22.00 and I’m considering that route in order to get the book into the hands of my fans quicker. 

Have you ever used a backpacking bidet? No. But I do own one and I’ve watched instructional videos.

What is your one superfluous item you take backpacking? Nothing, everything I pack is normal fluous. 

Can I go backpacking with you? No……… OK, maybe, but you have to pass an extreme vetting process that you can find in the bylaws. And you have to watch 40 hours of the Youtube channel “Miranda Goes Outside”. Immediate red flags for the vetting committee include; still having tags on your gear; a packed backpack that weighs more than 30 pounds; packing a quart of coffee creamer; planning on “pot luck” style meals; wearing an all cotton outfit; you have never pooped in the woods. Or….. your can pay me $200 a day to be your guide and bidet your ass with a super soaker from 70 feet. 

What’s one thing that people get wrong about you? Oh jeez, that’s a tough question. I’m not sure what people think about me. I don’t really think about what other’s think about me so I wouldn’t know if it was right or wrong. 

What’s the most ridiculous job you’ve ever had? I’d have to say Ticket Taker at a high school sporting event. The job of the ticket taker is doomed from the start.  The job title itself is a lie.   A “ticket taker” takes the money and gives the tickets.  They should be called a “money taker” or a ticket giver”. Also, it never fails that the first 3 groups of people to the event seem to always bring one hundred dollar bills, wiping out your cash box for the rest. They ask me, “Can you break a hundred” And I say; “If you buy 8 tickets I can” They laugh and give me a hundred for two adults and for the rest of the night you look like a fool because you can’t break a ten. Then the rest of the people say; “Who has a cash box with no cash?” My other favorite scenario is the couple that comes in and stares at me with their money.  I charge them twelve dollars for two adults and they get mad because they are seniors citizens and it should be four dollars. I don’t care how long I give tickets, I am never assuming that someone is a senior citizen.

I love reading your writing. Have you ever tried writing poetry? Funny you should ask. I just came across an old draft in my blog that never got published. My poetry is usually juvenile and quirky like Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein. But this one was not that way. This was written several years ago before I finally had an endometrial ablation. 

Vicious Cycle

It starts out like a ride at the fair

A kiddie ride, round and round

Then like a carousel

Ups and downs, round and round

You ride like this for years

If you hold on you can manage it

Until the ride is like a bad rollercoaster

With unexpected whiplash turns

Stomach turning ascents

Free falling descents

No rhyme or reason

Just after midnight

You lie awake for hours

Wondering how you’ll work

Make it through the whole day

You smile more

It hides the dark circles

And you never stop

If you keep going

You’ll stay awake

But there’s so much blood

Unscheduled, more often

You know you are anemic

What was the universe thinking

Zombie women

Hoping to get old

End this vicious cycle

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