Today I turned in a letter of resignation. 

It’s no surprise. I started a plan of retiring when one of my spiritual littermates retired after having worked with him for a decade. I needed a carrot. That was six years ago. People would laugh when I gave them my retirement date of October 27, 2024; the day I turn 60 and can collect my public employee’s retirement. It seemed so scripted to most people. It seemed like a great plan to me. It seemed so far away. And now here we are 2024. 

But I can’t make it to the end of October. 

Let’s back up a bit because this whole story will culminate into a book recommendation.

One of the adult education classes that is being offered this semester is based on the book “The Artist’s Way, A Spiritual Path to Creativity” by Julia Cameron. The copy I ordered is the 30th anniversary edition. I signed up for the class. 

The first class was inspirational; listening to one of the participant’s story of not only using the method as described in the book but having met the author as well. Actually, everyone in the group had a great story for being in the class. 

The first and probably foundational step in the book is “Morning Pages”. Morning pages is a journaling method. Every morning you write for three full pages. You throw up your random thoughts onto the paper. A brain drain. You don’t stop writing. No editing, no spell check. Even if you have to write; “I don’t know what to write”. Keep writing. 

At first I wrote fast and had to remind myself that this is not timed writing. No matter how fast I write I still have to write three pages. So I slowed down. I’ve not had any problem filling up three pages. I’ve written every morning. The writing is therapeutic. It may start out as a bitch session, but it ends up as a resolution. A culmination of answers. Solutions. Closure. Release.

One of the lessons is to be aware of the universe (or a higher power or God; your choice). 

What do I mean? 

I think just be aware and observant. Watch for serendipitous events. Pay attention. That’s it. Pay attention.

My first day of morning pages I bitched about my job. It had been a tough day the day before. My job has been good to me over the years, but it has never BEEN who I am. It definitely didn’t define me. When I meet someone new and they ask me what I do (as everyone does so they can define you). I would reply; I mountain bike, backpack, cross country ski, snow board, read, write, cook, hike, white water raft…..that’s what I do….. No; they say….. What do you do? Oh…. you mean for money?

The second day of morning pages started out as bitching about my job. And then it evolved into a plan. A plan to leave earlier than my planned retirement. I have enough sick/vacation hours to cash out to get me from the end of my current contract of June 30 to my retirement date. We’re just talking about a few months. But it felt good to come up with a plan. I would share this plan with my team next week and get their feed back.

Nope. That’s not how it happened. The afternoon of my day two of morning pages we had an impromptu meeting to discuss budgets and shuffling personnel. As we talked I realized my plan I’d hatched just hours before was coming to fruition right before my very eyes. The universe was unfolding everything in my favor. I was speechless as I listened to my co-workers talk.

Wait, I said. Here’s the deal. I told them about morning pages. I told them my plan. In the personnel shuffle, we would hire a person to come and train with me for the rest of my time. I was floored. I was smiling. I was standing taller. 

My job is constantly evolving. It is bigger than me. It has become more than I can or want to handle. I’m burnt out. I’m over it. There is so much red tape, so much bullshit. I’m no help. I’m bad energy for the rest of the team. It is time to move on. This has been a hard job. I’ve always felt as if there is a title wave building building building building and would crash on me. Why did I stay? Why did I do it? I didn’t want to wake up one day and be 60 years old and have a dead end job. I stayed. I went to trainings. I trained four virgin superintendents in their positions. I learned and then legislature would change the laws. I learned and the politics changed. Why is a state school superintendent a partisan position? Our state voted for the party not the qualified person. All the good people left at the state level. Jumped the sinking ship. Where did those people go? The super majority has implemented laws that require me to hire more administrative people instead of more teachers. I thought that particular group was into less government. No one is going to school to be a teacher. It’s not an easy career to get started in. I have teachers who live in campers. One lived in his car last year. They live with their parents. They can’t afford to rent. 

I started Darby school as a volunteer in 1993. I was the swish and spit mom. Yep. I delivered poison to elementary children to keep their teeth healthy. We don’t have fluoride in our water. Yoko and I would bring our three year olds with us and pour fluoride into tiny cups. We would pass out fluoride to the students to swish in their mouths and spit back out. Here come the swish and spit moms; a second grade teacher announced. The next year I signed up to be a substitute teacher. Oh boy. The next year I applied for a part time position to help the business manager and to take the lunch money. Now I was known as “a lunch lady”. 

Several years later I was interviewed on the playground and became the high school secretary. This job was usually fun and I enjoyed being everyone’s assistant mom. They must have enjoyed me as well. I was asked to be the speaker at the graduation of the class of 2008, my daughter’s class. Still makes my skin tingle to think about it.

I left when my youngest graduated. Had three years of career adventures. Nine glorious days at Halo Heaven, a year building recumbent bikes, and a few stints of collecting unemployment. I even tried substitute teaching again. Oh boy.

Then in 2011, I came back to the school. The current business manager/district clerk was creating her retirement plan and needed to train someone to fill her spot of wearing many, many hats. I was told by other school BM’s that it took five years to feel comfortable in the position. They were correct. It took five years until the crying stopped. But I had a career; a salary; benefits; and for the first time ever, prescription migraine medicine.  

It has been a journey. I’ve quit many times in my head. I’ve gone through four superintends, a few payroll clerks, many high school secretaries, had three different offices, and have gone through a LOT of school board members. There was copious amounts of laughter, slapped the ass of one superintendent, lost a leg wresting match with Tom, the UPS guy, played office pickleball where there are no rules, you can play off the file cabinets, walls and conference table and you’ll know when you scored a point.

When I took on this position I quickly realized I was not one of the fun kids anymore. I was placed on another level where people whispered if I was in the room. I had to stop going to co-worker social gatherings. I was putting a damper on the fun. I was balancing the job of being know by the staff as “the receipt nazi” and reporting to the board when the annual audit “ding” was from insufficient back up for the bills (also known as receipts). Yeah. Not me.

As I enter 2024, I’m ready for a new life. A life with more fun, more adventures, more freedom, more serendipitous moments. I’m not at work today and decided to spent that time here in my home office, listening to Caamp on Pandora, Ruth my cat rubbing up against my arm, writing and creating and I realize, this is who I am. This is who I’m meant to be.

The book recommendation is “The Artist’s Way; A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity” by Julia Cameron

Other great book recommendations and life adventures can be found at Wild About Books.