Our parents teach us, whether they want to or not, how we want to be. We take away some things we don’t want to be, but we also take away attributes we do want to emulate. We unknowingly pass along these attributes as well. And this becomes our parents’ legacy.

I started writing this blog in 2014. The blog started out as a way to share and comment on good books that I have read. It then turned into a blog about my daily adventures. My adventures range from taking 12 high school students backpacking in the Grand Canyon to getting my hair colored at the Electric Beach and Hair Studio in downtown Darby, Montana. It soon became apparent to me that my biggest fan, follower and reader of my blog was my dad.

Mine and Daddy’s communication has always lacked any consistency. We could go months or more with no contact. When we did talk or see each other, it was the best. He was easy to be around, and fun to talk to, but he didn’t KNOW me. My blog turned into, without any other reader knowing this, a one sided conversation with my dad. I wrote the blog so my dad would know who I was. It was my connection to a man with whom I so badly wanted to connect.

But why? He’d pissed me off so badly, for so many reasons, for so many years, to all of my family, annually bandaging my wounds with a cheesy birthday card and a fifty dollar check.

I wrote a particular blog post about dealing with a co-worker/friend who was complaining about paying for every Darby kid’s braces, meaning, he made money and the Darby kids got braces through socialized medicine. The blog is titled “Thanks for the Braces”. I thanked my co-worker/friend for the braces and the shoulder surgery, because, yes, he was describing my own kids who are now contributing members of society and happily paying into the system that takes care of others. Daddy felt the need to comment via an email to me about this particular blog.

In his email he said; “Hi Lisa, Your latest blog affected me deeply. I felt compelled to write you a letter which I have attached and to send you a prayer, which is also attached. Your blog shows me that you have both courage and wisdom. Thanks for sharing those with all of us. It makes me want to do a better job of loving my neighbor. Love Dad.

I will paraphrase his attached letter.

“Lisa, I love your blogs and this one is especially thought provoking. My favorite part is where you listened to your friend while he vented and threw his feelings about his being a victim all over you. You showed empathy for your friend and thereby saved the friendship.”

The blog continues, stating that I could not run for office in Montana and listing my “labels” that would prevent me from getting many votes. In my dad’s response letter he also listed his “labels”, which were directly opposite of my labels. For example; republican vs democrat and Christian vs atheist, etc, etc.

After listing his labels he said: “Here’s the thing. None of that matters. You and I can still love each other because we both know that I will listen to you and that you will listen to me and I have gratitude every day that we have that kind of relationship. I am proud of you, I love you, and I am grateful that you are in my life.”

The feeling is mutual, which is why our relationship has continued to exist through the years.

I wrote a blog about my dad called “Cat’s in the Cradle.” Feel free to click on the link to read it.

My dad had two favorite blog posts. One was about me, Zach and Hannah going to his church called, “The Bible Story” He shared it with the minister of his church who then read it at his annual Presbyterian preacher conference in Oklahoma. Dad’s other favorite was the one about his mother, my grandmother called, “Mamaw.”

My friend Linda, recently gifted me the book, “Star Spangled Jesus” by April Ajoy, an evangelical Christian who writes about Christian Nationalism taking over Christianity. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it. I marked mine up, underlining passages, making notes in the margins and sent it to my dad. He read it and called me twice to discuss. I have another book to send him “Separation of Church and Hate”, but now it is too late. He died this week. Who will I write this blog for now?