Zach, Mom and I spent an afternoon brew pub hopping in Durham last month.  My 73 year old mom was the designated driver because she doesn’t start drinking until the evening.  Zach and I don’t have those parameters.  Durham is a small town with a lot of people.  There are little hole in the wall businesses everywhere in Durham; all with their own personalities, selling everything from locally crafted beers, to homemade cupcakes, to shops with local artist made jewelry and locally made beeswax candles. Durham is maybe the coolest little town there is and it’s kind of a secret.  Only the truly adventurous will wander into an old garage building and find themselves with the best cup of tea they’ve ever had or a most delicious vegetarian perfectly southern meal placed before them or find themselves in a yoga class.  Eclectic squared would be a good description of Durham.  They also have their fair share of craft breweries.  We’re driving around Durham in mom’s car looking for the next brew pub with the google maps lady giving directions.  “in a quarter mile turn right onto Irwin Street”.

Mom; “did she say left?”

Zach and I “NO!  RIGHT ,RIGHT”.

Mom “@$$%@#”.

Google Map lady speaks next and she is so polite.  She just redirects never indicating that we made a wrong turn.  We drove by the Methodist Church eight times that day . We find the brewery and it doesn’t open until four.  Back to the google maps lady.  We drive by the Methodist Church to the next brewery which is only the facility for making the beer, the tasting room is back on Main Street.  Google map lady again. Go by the Methodist Church.  There’s not a lot of parking in this town, but mom is able to save the day.  Handicap Parking Permit!  Mom’s new knee got her one handicap parking permit.  Doesn’t make sense to me.  She needed the handicap parking permit with her old worn out knee.  They should make her park on the next block with her new bionic knee.  Reminds me of both times Hannah dislocated her shoulder, she went to the emergency room, they put it back in and gave her some great pain drugs.  She didn’t need them now.  Her shoulder’s back where it belongs.  An afternoon of brewery hopping with my mom and son and parking in the handicap parking.  We were also in charge of dinner since Meg, Hannah and Dean were all working.  Google lady, Methodist Church, Whole Foods, Google Lady, Methodist Church, back to Meg and Dean’s.  Oh holy cow I forgot the best part of this story.  Before we left the house I realized that we did not have a key to lock up.  Think, Think.  We locked up the house from the inside.  Opened the garage door, hit the shut garage door button, ran through the garage, ducked the shutting door while at the same time jumping the electronic eye Indiana Jones style.  If the handicap parking permit people hear this story they will revoke mom’s permit.

What did we talk about on our day together?  I know what we did not talk about.  The ending of mom’s life.  Crass?  Yes.  But no one talks about this.  This is the societal elephant in the room. What is our fear? Death or hanging on to life? What is life and where do we draw the line?  That’s our fear and so therefore we do not talk about it.  We should.  We should be discussing what are you going to want when you are not able to make a decision and we have to make it for you.  I just finished the book “Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End”  by Atul Gawande.  Atul Gawande is a doctor who experiences life’s ending and how families deal with the logistics, nursing homes, home health care, and family responsibilities on a regular basis.  In this book he uses his own personal experience with his father’s end of life story.   This is now required reading if you are a follower of Wild About Books.  People do not want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on ultra fantastic bypass stint open heart surgery so that they can live for two more months recovering and on mind numbing pain drugs.  They want autonomy.  They want to be with family and play cards and have a beer.  This affects everyone.  Please read this book no matter what your age.  We need to address this.  It is a big issue that should be talked about. Who picked this subject on Christmas Day?  Go snowboarding.

Next post is the January book selection; I promise.  Click here to see more Wild About Books Posts.

One day my step brother David was telling a story about having just listened to a show on the radio and about how progressive and liberal the speaker was only to find out he was listening to a republican which totally amazed him that a republican could be speaking in this way.  I spoke up and said; “you see, in the end we all want love and goodness and to get along”.  David’s eyes got big as he exclaimed; “YOU are an optimist!”  Ever since that moment whenever someone ask my political views, religious views, views in general; I proudly state that I am an optimist.  This will help explain the two books (with two completely different perspectives)  that I am reading now.  “Mere Christianity” and “The End of Faith”.

“…..a cold, self-righteous prog who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute.”  C. S. Lewis “Mere Christianity”

“…we live in a country in which a person cannot get elected president if he openly doubts the existence of heaven and hell.”  Sam Harris “The End of Faith”

I switch back and forth reading a little of each trying to understand everyone’s points of view. Sometimes I’ll be reading and forget which one of the books I’m reading.  You wouldn’t think this was possible; but it just goes to prove that we are not as different as we think.  In the end I believe that most people want love and goodness and to all get along.  I’ve often been conflicted at Christmas time.  Why do I carry out the Christmas time traditions when I’m clearly not a religious type person. I actually get angry with society and what Christmas time has turned into.  This can’t be what it was meant to be.

Both of the banks in our town are offering Christmas Loans to help people out during the season of over consumption and spending beyond their means.  How very christian of the banks to help us out like that.  But what is the definition of “christian” when used as an adjective.  Let’s take a moment to look that one up  :” treating other people in a kind and generous way”.  Interesting definition because you can be considered christian without being a christian.  This has started out very cynical, I should back up; although I’m fearful that this entire blog post may be cynical and if you haven’t enjoyed it so far you may need to skip this one as Christmas and it’s commercialism and  societal pressures always turn me into a Grinch.  The very fact that the banks are offering to give out money as long as you sign a paper that you will give it and more back to them does not seem to be treating other people in a  kind and generous way.  It seems a little back handed and hypocritical.  Abusing the definition of christian appears to be the norm.  How has  “treating other people in a kind and generous way” come to mean getting a loan so that you can buy presents, lights, trees, prime rib and giant blow up snow men for the yard in order to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ? How many shopping days until Christmas?  We can shop on Thanksgiving day now.  Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, the new chain store in my town will be open on Christmas Day and my favorite the after Christmas sales when you can spend it all on yourself!!!!! Thank God for Christmas to give us a reason to do so much shopping that we need to take out a loan.  We haven’t even discussed the stress, cooking, baking and extra weekend work that we have put upon ourselves to get though this joyful time of the year.  Who’s family will we be with; his? hers? the step people? the in-laws? Feelings are going to be hurt.

Enough of this. Stop stop.  Plenty of people enjoy Christmas time.  They get to visit family and friends.  They get to give them a gift and truly enjoy giving.  They get to decorate  a tree with all of the ornaments collected over the years and decorate the house and host a party.  They get to go Christmas caroling with the neighbors.  They enjoy the hustle and bustle of shopping for presents and the savings on those special savings days.  Hooray for these beautiful people who look forward to all of these things.  I am happy for you.  I am happy that taking out a small loan at Christmas time helps you have a successful and happy Christmas for you and your family.  These traditions are special and historic to people and in the words of Meg Poe; “if it matters to them; then it matters”.  Who am I to knock their special time and how they enjoy it.  Everyone should enjoy the Christmas season in a way that makes it special to them and respect each others way of celebrating.

Can you see it?  Can you see my Grinch heart growing?  I still will not be putting up a tree or lights.   I will not feel guilty for not doing those things.  I will not feel pressure to buy presents just to buy presents.  I will wake up on Christmas morning with my beautiful man, have a cup of tea and hot oatmeal.  We will pack the car and head to the ski hill as is our Christmas tradition.  We sit by the fire in the lodge and dress for the outdoors.  I will lose my beautiful man for 30 minutes or more on Christmas morning at the lodge.  He personally finds every employee at the ski area and wishes them a Merry Christmas.  This is his gift and his special way to spend Christmas.  His gift is a genuine wish for a Merry Christmas as well as a heart felt smile to all of these people working on Christmas day.   He treats people in a kind and generous way and I love him for that.

I hope you all find your special way to have a Merry Christmas and don’t let society or peer pressure dictate that for you.  Find your own way to enjoy the holiday season and don’t forget to treat people in a kind and generous way.

Our next post will be the announcement of the January book selection. Check out Wild About Books website for more post like this one and to take this month’s poll.

Since there is not a Wild About Books December book club selection and November’s book was so good; I believe we should discuss “The Untethered Soul”  one more time.  My favorite chapter is  chapter 15 “The Path of Unconditional Happiness” The secret to living a spiritual life.  It’s amazingly simple really.  Happy or not happy; it’s your choice. That’s it.  You choose to be happy or you choose to be unhappy.  An easy example would be; you added cumin to your muffin mix instead of cinnamon.  Now you’ve wasted your time and money on a dozen nasty tasting muffins, throw the muffin tin and the muffins out the front door and vow never to bake again because you are too stupid to pick up the correct spice.  Unhappy choice.  Or; you rename the muffins “Mexican muffins” and see who will eat them and clearly mark the cumin container so that that doesn’t happen again, lesson learned.  Happy choice.  Even worse is when you allow others to make you unhappy.  You base your happiness conditionally on what other people do; that’s ludicrous.  I’m going to be mad all day because someone cut me off in traffic.  No.  My choice is no; I will not let them control me like that.  I will still be happy.  What about people that let the weather control their happiness? There’s nothing they can do about the weather!  How can you let the weather control your happiness?  There are people that I work with that get upset when the snow comes.  What?? You live in Montana!  Or people that choose to be unhappy because it’s Monday or worse, unhappy because it’s Sunday which means that the next day IS Monday.  They choose to be unhappy.  Clearly they choose to be unhappy if they make a day of the week a happiness indicator.  A difficult example would be when a 24 year old co-worker who you’ve known most of his life wrecks his motorcycle on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and dies.  It’s still your choice to be happy.  You can be sad about the death and grief can grip you when you are not expecting it with uncontrollable emotion.  If you are his mother this grief can grip you at any moment for the rest of your life.  But; and this is a big but and I can not lie, you can choose to be happy.  Happy that he was out doing what he loved on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and you can choose to be happy that his death was a blessing over being mangled and crippled and in pain for the rest of his life and you can be happy that for 24 years his family was able to enjoy having him around. It’s your choice.  It’s your choice and it must be genuine.  You have to believe it.  If you are faking happiness it doesn’t count.

Let’s use an every day example.  How do you stay happy every day at your desk job pushing paper, filling out online forms, nagging people for receipts, etc.  You can attempt to purchase happiness.  A new computer for your desk, a new desk for your office, a new office space with a big window. You can list all of the great things about your job such as the pay, benefits, flexible hours, cell phone, matching retirement plan, etc.  No matter how much you try to make it better, you are still at a desk managing super boring, non challenging, uncreative paperwork.  Did I say you?  I really mean me.  What makes me excited to get up in the morning?  I choose to be happy.  I choose to make off color, inappropriate jokes at work, I choose to send silly emails that make people laugh, I choose to start an administrative book club for some interactive dialog and I have a Happy Sack.  Yes, I have a happy sack.  Before I moved into my new office with a big window, I had a small closet next to the staff bathroom.  In that closet office I had an outside door that took me right to the reader board sign for the school.  So I took it upon myself to be in charge of the reader board sign.  Usually it was upcoming events like home football games or the next school board meeting. One day just for fun I put up: “Never trust an atom, they make up everything”.  Some days I would have students put up the letters for me.  Two boys from the 7th grade came into my office to do the reader board.  I had to introduce myself, because, as the school paper pusher, I don’t interact with the students and therefore don’t know them.  One of the boys eyes got big  and a huge grin came upon his face as he looked at the shelving on my wall and exclaimed in excitement; “YOU have a happy sack”.  Oh jeez, what does he see on my shelf?  What have I brought into my office that could be referred to as a “happy sack”?  I slowly turn, scan the shelves and there it is.  My hacky sack; now and forever known as my happy sack.  It has now moved from the shelves to my desk.

Choosing to be happy is not as easy as it sounds and it is easy to forget that you have that choice.  Believe me when I say that having a happy sack on my desk not only reminds me that I have that choice to choose happiness, it also puts a smile on my face and how can you be unhappy with a smile on your face.

How many psychologist does it  take to change a light bulb?    Just one; but the light bulb has  to want to change.

Lots of newness and  improvements are happing to  our blog.  The biggest one is the name change.  The Wild Women Book Club has now become……Wild About Books, A seriously great reference site for book lovers. If you are a follower of this blog, you get emails when a new post has been published and you don’t get a chance to see the blog, which is now more of a web site with the home page being the blog itself.  Check it out; Wild About Books.

My challenge this week was from my son Zach.  He asked if I ever read about things that I didn’t believe.  For example, I’m a vegan and probably would only read books and cookbooks that promoted the health benefits of being a  vegan.  Or, when I  wanted to read about Mormonism, I chose a book about a person that ended up leaving the Mormon Church because it justified my beliefs about the Mormon religion. The closest I’ve ever come to reading something that might not lean towards my beliefs was when I read “Killing Lincoln”.  My mom had a fit that I would read something by Bill O’Reilley; I didn’t know who Bill O’Reilly was so that one doesn’t even count. The day after Zach challenged me, my dad called, which only happens one to three times a year, and recommended a book “Mere Christianity” by C. S. Lewis. Dad is on his 4th time reading this book.  He must really like this book to recommend it to his unreligious daughter and to be reading it for the fourth time.   I do believe that the universe makes things happen for a reason and that it is important that you are aware of the signs from the universe. Therefore, through the combination of Zach’s challenge and dad’s recommendation I will be reading  “Mere Christianity“.  C. S. Lewis is the author of the popular series The Chronicles of Narnia of which “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” is one of the books.  I just started “Mere Christianity”  and haven’t even gotten past the introduction and forward and I am already sucked into the philosophic style of writing.  You have to read each sentence with focus because each sentence is a masterpiece of writing.  Then you have to stop and ponder the sentence.  This is the epitome of a thought provoking book.

In the mean time; I’m reading “Winter of the World”, which I’m really not into and “The Gluten Free Edge”  a book about gluten free athletes and how their performance improves by eliminating gluten from their diet.  I don’t recommend the book but I do recommend trying a gluten free diet. You must be asking yourself; how will she find time to research and find a book for January with all of this extra curricular reading going on in her life?  No worries my fellow followers, I have my staff and the universe working on that research right now.

Wild About Books is about reading good books and sharing how they impact your life.  I’ll guide you in our monthly book selection, but there will also be references to many other books in the weekly posts.

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It’s the first of December.  Don’t forget that the December Book Club Selection is not a book but an assignment.  Catch up on some reading, read something light and easy, visit friends and family.  We will have a new book selection for January.  I’m enjoying a Thanksgiving vacation with my family in North Carolina.  Yesterday I took Zach and Hannah to church which, if you don’t know us, is a new and exciting adventure. We’ve never been into sitting, being inside, group singing, praying, group reading, or sinning.  All of these things seem to be synonymous to church goers.  This is merely a personal observation.  Our adventurous spirits did enjoy this outing; plus we got to see my dad sing and it was his church. We got a bit lost when the group would chant something that they all seemed to know or when they would start singing from a book that we found in a book holder in front of us.  God  spoke to them about what they were going to sing and they all knew which page to be on .  No; that’s not it.  You had to follow along in the program which was your cheat sheet for the Hymnal and the Bible. The minister was very good, kept our attention, and had a nice speaking voice.  His sermon was about Luke.  But in reality Luke was never mentioned.  This was a story about Zach and Elizabeth.  Elizabeth was a failure because she was barren and now a burden to Zach who had to feed her.  It was like she was a lame horse and should be shot.  I’m pretty sure that was not the lesson to the story.  I don’t want to give the plot away because that is never the intention at Wild Women Book Club.  Zach went into this secret room because he was a higher up priest. It was such a holy room that only one person at a time could go in and they tied a rope to his leg in case he died in there and they had to drag him out.  A big, ugly, scary angel came to visit him in the secret room. ( This is all starting to sound Mormon to me, but we were in a Presbyterian Church. ) Luckily for Elizabeth, the angel told Zach that Elizabeth would be done with her suffering and humiliation of being barren and he would make sure that she would conceive even though she was old,which was also   going to happen to  the unmarried teenager Mary. And Zach would now be mute.  What?….was Zach saying things to Elizabeth that were not romantic “hey Liz, that robe makes your ass look fat”. Maybe if he kept his mouth shut she would have a better chance of conceiving?  The end.  The minister kept mine and Zach’s attention and we were both feeling pretty bad about Elizabeth’s self worth and suppression as a woman in this story.  We lost Hannah right off the bat.  She chose to read the Bible starting with page one, just like you would do with most books.  I believe her words were  “…this is some scary, intimidating shit…”.  The rest of our day was much dialog about our church adventure, religion, other religions and god.  Is God a thing to fear or a loving, accepting entity? Do we worship Jesus or was he meant to be an example to follow?  Both Zach and Hannah said they would like to read the Bible; but maybe a children’s version.

Going to add a gallery of pictures for you.

This is my church in Montana:

I am always continuing my education and, I am happy to announce that I am taking an online class called “Creating WordPress Websites”.  You may notice some exciting changes in our blog as I move along in this class and next I will take “Creating WordPress Websites II” and then we’ll really get crazy!  That’s what I’m reading now.  Two lessons a week using this blog as a working model and you get to enjoy the result.  You might see some weird pages added and wonder “what the heck is she doing”.  It won’t be the first or the last time you have those thoughts about me.  The online class I’m taking is through a web site called Ed2Go.  They offer many classes for enriching your life and learning some cool stuff.  This is my first one and I do like it but I don’t think I’ll give it a complete review until I’ve finished the class and taken a few more.  I do recommend that you check it out and see all of the classes that they have to offer.  This one I’m taking now is 6 weeks long and cost $95.  I’m going to try to add a photo now:

Cocktail Popsicles

A picture of a homemade watermelon, basil, vodka popsicle.  I call them cock-sicles.

Let’s attach a document for you to read; since you like reading so much.  This is one of my most favorite things I’ve ever read.  Thank you Hannah for sharing it with me:  Exposed by my Children

Now I’m going to try a video; this is a good one too you should check it out; this isn’t just for homework people.  I’m giving you some good things.  You’ll be making eggnog cock-sicles for Christmas and flaunting that beautiful body; no doubt.

I quickly finished “The Untethered Soul” and for the first time ever; as soon as I finished, I went to the first chapter and started over.  I enjoyed the book so much that I read it too quickly.  This is a book that should be savored and digested and certainly followed.  I really love the message this book delivers.  I had a dream one night that I was on top of a tall skinny wall with no way down.  I was trying to signal to the people below that I needed help getting down off this tall wall.  Everyone was ignoring me.  I just needed a ladder, if someone could just get me a ladder.  People were down below just going about their business oblivious to my precarious situation .  I knew that I could not stay up there forever and I would have to jump.  I had no choice.  It took a  long time to get up the courage to jump, but I did.  I landed safely on the ground, on my feet.  The wall ended up being only six inches high.  I recall that dream often in my daily life and that nothing is as big a deal or as dramatic as most people make it out to be.  “The Untethered Soul” is a book about your wall not being as tall as you think.  It teaches you to let things flow in and then out; don’t dwell on it or let it stagnate in your heart.  Let it in and let it out.  Move on.  Don’t worry; be happy. Expand your boundaries. Lots of good lessons to learn from this book.  I hope you get an opportunity to read it.

I’m also reading “E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality“.  I’m not recommending this book because I do not like the author’s style of writing; but I do like what she has to say about quantum physics which in my opinion appears to be the same thing as the power of prayer.  The best real life example I can think of for this book is the way a person deals with technology.  I sit down to a computer and feel confident that I can figure out what I need to do.  I have worked in enough programs to know what details to look for, what icons to notice, what my resources might be if I get stuck and in the end I will accomplish what I set out to do.  I have seen other people sit down to a computer already anxious and frustrated because they doubt that this project will end successfully and that even if it does it will take many hours and the resource they use will have a thick Indian accent.  Guess what?  We both got what we thought we would get.  Another example is when Hannah was playing in the State tennis tournament in Missoula and was losing.  I was yelling at her; “Hannah you are the stronger player, you know you are stronger”.  Of course I was getting thoughts into Hannah’s head but unknowingly I believe I was getting thoughts into her opponents head too.  Now her opponent was thinking that Hannah was the stronger player.  Hannah came back and won.  She made it into the championship game and lost; in this case she was not the stronger player and I couldn’t lie to her.  That’s the conundrum.  How could I help her with positive thoughts.  Did I not believe she could beat this person.  I would have to believe it.  Why didn’t I believe it?  This was the Montana State Girls Tennis Championship game. Had I put Hannah on my tall wall afraid to jump?  You can jump now Hannah.  It’s only six inches off the ground.

I like to write.  It’s one of the reasons for this blog, so that I can get that need to write released from my system.  Right this very minute I am writing  a Management Discussion and Analysis, also know as an MD&A, for the yearly audit at my job.  This, I do not like to write.  I am going to creatively add my own comments throughout the MD&A to see if anyone really reads it and to add entertainment value to my day.  It’s dangerous when I get bored and have to create my own entertainment.  This is also when I decide that I deserve a “lunch beer”.  Next, I’m going to write the meeting minutes from last night’s school board meeting.  This too is not an enjoyable writing task.  This job of business manager/clerk at a public school is not really who I am.  Which brings me to this month’s book selection “The Untethered Soul”.  Without ruining the book for you I am going to let you know that the last chapter is all about God.  In my religious snobbery, I would have to admit that if the last chapter had been the first chapter I probably would not have continued reading this book and not selected it as the November book for the Wild Women Book Club.  But, since I had read the entire book, completely engaged in the content, I found the God chapter to be very enlightening and it has given me a new perspective.  If you’ve read my other blog post you will remember my desire to understand my good friend the Mormon Bishop.  I am now thinking that I shouldn’t try to understand him; I should get him to understand me.  I’m going to give him this book and tell him that he should read the last chapter first so that he will then want to read it and will appreciate the rest of the book.  Otherwise, he will start the first chapter and think that his good friend, the beer drinking, liberal, agnostic, vegan, snowboarding, yogi  is trying to convert his non-drinking, republican, Mormon, cowboy, meat eating, reality tv watching ass into thinking more like her.  It’s all about the presentation.  So if you’re more like my good friend the Mormon Bishop you might want to read the last chapter first.

Read on.