Last Call for the Groover

It’s a cool beautiful morning as the sun rises over the canyon wall of the Salmon River.  The North American River Rats are fully rested and fed and are packing up their boats for another day of whitewater adventures on The River of No Return.  Just as the warmth of the sun turns into the sweltering heat of the sun you can hear the sing-song sound of the River Rat.

“Last call for the groover.” img_0442.jpg

The males look up from the multitude of NRS straps crisscrossing their boats, for it is the male that always takes advantage of that last chance on the shitter.

Casually, they will walk away from their boats, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that they are on their way to take a dump and at the same time, allowing each male ample time to take his turn.

Careful now.  Occasionally, to the unsuspecting male, a female will have missed her morning ritual and will make a run for the groover, passing the male in an all out sprint through the sandy beach.  The female possesses an innate knowledge that, unlike the male, she has the ability to be quick and efficient at excrement relief and will be closing the cap to the hand sanitizer before the male reaches the imaginary waiting zone.

The female does have difficulties in the one river rule that no one can pee in the pooper. Every species knows that the pee or liquid will make the poop expand and no one wants the groover to be full to the top before the end of the trip.

Rare and grainy footage has documented the female in the pee/poop conundrum.  In squat postion, they are able to move quickly several meters to one side and empty the bladder, then while still squatting, side shuffles back to the groover to finish the job.  Although the female bladder never seems to fully empty, resulting in some pee in the pooper.

Once the morning migration to the groover ceases, the groover seat is removed and stored and the lid sealed on tightly as the whole contraption is carried by two river rats to the shit boat for transport to the next camp, giving new meaning to pack it in, pack it out.

Approximately ten thousand River Rats float the Salmon River each summer.  Hauling out your poop is imperative.  And, except for the female pee/poop conundrum, everyone is instructed to pee in the river.

Once again, the males have the advantage of discreetly peeing in the river where there is little to no privacy.  The male peeing stance is commonly recognized, yet still privately executed.  The females, on the other hand, are meant to leave modesty behind and instead bare their behinds.  Bare female asses can be seen along the river’s edge more often than not.  All shapes and sizes and styles of peeing can be observed.  The traditional full on squat is the most common, but variations of this are also used.  The impressive half squat is also seen quite often.  Some females are comfortable with the wide leg, upright stance that works with the dress or skirt while going commando, a popular camp outfit.

The North American River Rat is truly an unusual species.  Having to poop in a bucket with all of the other River Rats for a week is not always acceptable in other migrating groups, but the River Rat has adapted to this behavior and continues to float rivers together.

More adventure stories and a kick ass resource for book lovers can be found at Wild About Books. 




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